Next Big Recognition Contest

Round 4

Follow this Winner:  Medscifi

1st Runner up: twin_cities

2nd Runner up: swiftiegirl1010

Final Author's Note: I'd like to start by saying thank you to Dawnstarling and the other organizers of NBR. I was literally overwhelmed by the feedback. There were extremely constructive comments and some that made me blush with happiness. Thank you again to those who voted, added my book to your library & especially those who went on to read later chapters. On to the winning comment: It was very hard to choose but in the end it came down to connecting with me, I guess. Medscifi suggested something that I had been thinking of doing myself, but couldn't figure out quite how to pull it off. He swooped in and gave me a fresh perspective, along with some additional invaluable suggestions. It was really fantastic. Twin_cities & swiftiegirl1010 gave amazing comments too. I need to take a page out of their book and give motivational yet constructive, honest feedback like they do. Thank you!

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Author #2: deesmith004

Book Title: Hunter's Chance

Book Link: /story/39605002-hunter's-chance

Specified Chapter: Chapter 17

Summary Thus Far in Book: So far we know that Raegan Hunter losing her father at eighteen was her breaking point. She's grown to be wickedly stubborn and she has a way of pushing people out. James, the mysterious guy that shows up to help her at an unexpected time, turns out to push through each and every one of her barriers and though she fights it, she begins to let him. That is, until he gets slightly invasive, opening up a letter from the past that she's been adamant about avoiding. We now know that she's gone home to escape, to get away and now she's ran into an ex, Wes, who kept things simple during their relationship.

Author's Note: I'm a first-time writer looking for any and all feedback. Overall I just want to know whether or not I'm succeeding in telling the story, how the character development is, what stands out, etc. etc. etc. I love this story and I really hope you do too!

Moderator's Chapter Rating: PG

Genre: Romance

Winning Comment: Holy junk dude your characters! I think your biggest strength as a writer is your characterization. Your characters each have such detailed, complex back stories of their own and it's just amazing to see that. You barely even described them and I could see them so clearly in my mind's eye. They were wonderfully realized. Another thing is how gently you unspool the back story of these characters. Usually, mixing the past and present messes up the flow of a chapter and the pacing goes all wonky but that didn't happen with you. The chapter is a beautiful collage of the past and present, showing me how these characters have changed, even without me checking their backstory. And that reveal at the end! Wow! All in all, this is as close to perfect as any writer could get! Best of luck with your writing in the future! - maybeiwas2shy

Do Not Need To Follow this Winner: maybeiwas2shy

1st Runner up: IVM992

2nd Runner up: twin_cities

Final Author's Note: Okay, so first things first, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for taking the time to read and comment. I know that choosing a later chapter in the story was bold and at times I may have looked back and said "man, maybe that wasn't a good idea" but I'm grateful to those of you who looked past that and gave my writing a chance. It's extremely difficult trying to choose a winning comment and I found that not only made me laugh, but he gave me hope. I've been slightly discouraged and as I mentioned before, this is all new to me. I'm still a first-time writer so there are grammar issues and thanks to you guys I'm still learning all kinds of things. So please bear with me as I take all of this one step at a time. Again, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for the amazing feedback and a massive thanks to Dawn for allowing me to be apart of this.

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Author #3: 4everdreamer2014

Book Title: Blood Child

Book Link: /story/44055829-blood-child-sytycw15-wattys2015

Specified Chapter: Chapter 3

Summary Thus Far in Book: Vincent has been working on a case involving a new drug called Gemstone. He met Remy when he accidentally hit a dog on his way home from a stake out and had to take it to her vet practice. He has spoken with one of his informants and learned how to get the answers to who is behind the making of Gemstone.

Author's Note: I am looking for general feedback, but I would also like to know if the reader feels that there is enough action happening. Would you continue reading, or do you find it a little lacking in something? The relationship between Remy and Vincent has to happen a little quickly, but is there something I could do to make it seem a little more natural and not forced or fake? How connected do you feel to the characters? There is no need to answer all of these questions, but you are welcome to if you would like. I want any kind of feedback that will help me improve this story. I am not looking for correction of any grammatical errors, so please ignore them if you find any. Thanks! =)

Moderator's Chapter Rating: PG, slight vulgarity

Genre: Paranormal

Winning Comment: Ok, so let's see how I can help you here :) You already know I adore you and your story. I have to applaud how strong each character's voice is and how different you've written them. Ability to write captivating dialogue that differentiates characters is a true gift, one that is difficult to learn. Vincent and Remy are two characters that can strongly stand alone. The way you allude to feelings rather than just saying it is just the bee's knees. Rather than you telling us "Vincent is upset" or "Remy felt nervous", you showed us how they were feeling, the physiological and anatomical effects of emotions, which allows me as the reader to connect with your characters rather than to try to piece the scene together. Wonderfully done!

The depth you've instilled in Vincent is also endearing. On the job, he is this tough, focused man but as he leaves, a sense of vulnerability appears which he quickly masks in front of anyone else lest they discover it. He's drawn to Remy but despite that attraction, there is still this barrier holding him back which is prevalent with the way you narrate how he talks, moves, thinks, observes. Sentence structure and vocabulary is fantastic.

The use of industry specific terms is appropriate without being superfluous, therefore making the story that much more real. The pacing of the story is appropriate. It is neither too rushed nor too slow which is appropriate because the pace lends itself to the cautious dance these two are performing around each other, trying to discover more about the other without being too intrusive. I've read and reread this chapter and am wracking my brain how to provide SOME form of constructive feedback lol. The only thing I could come up with is: the scene where he observes the night sky slows the pace down just a tad bit as you introduce his anxious state but then he sits backs and admires the sky. I would think he would snag the bag and and make his way in right away. - PipSqueeks88

Anyways, fantastic work :)

Follow this Winner: PipSqueeks88

1st Runner up: twin_cities

2nd Runner up: cjbirch

Final Author's Note: I wanted to thank all of you for taking the time to check out my story and give such well thought-out comments! It was very difficult trying to choose a winner, but choose I did. The reason I chose this comment as the winner is because she understood the subtle things throughout with my characters and world. As she explained what she saw, she inspired some new ideas for these two characters and their personalities, ideals, etc. Thanks to everyone who has commented, I have realized that poor Remy has been neglected quite a bit, and it is time for me to dedicate some pages to only her so she can start telling her story for us. Again, thank you all for your inspiration and encouragement! It is deeply appreciated, and I hope that some of you will continue to read my story as it develops. Happy reading and writing! =)

(Week ended 8.28.15)