Next Big Recognition Contest

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Comment Topic: The narrative must support the dialogue by exposing the underlying tension, conflict, and motivation of each character. How has the author used subtext like gestures, glances, body language, and behavior to help you gauge the protagonist's motivation in this current chapter?

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Author #1: eacomiskey

Book Title: More Things In Heaven And Earth

Specified Chapter: Chapter 10

Summary Thus Far in Book: Simone is a housewife who has always battled against "voices in her head." She managed her "condition" quite well for years, but things began to intensify once again until they reached a peak with an angel appearing to her and telling her she was actually hearing the real voices of creatures from other realms/dimensions/universes.

The angel, Raziel, explains that the demon, Acedia, is bent on making God so angry He'll wipe the slate clean (think, 'Noah's ark). He is doing this by convincing all of the creatures of legend and myth to reveal themselves to humans and force the humans into slavery. He knows the humans will fall apart, running in fear, or bowing in worship to false and evil gods.

As the only one who can "hear" both sides, Simone must act as a prophet and try to stop the whole mess from happening but it's painful and overwhelming for her and she hates Raziel just a little for putting her in this position. In the chapter before this, she's had her first big public moment as The Prophet and she's rather shaken by the whole thing.

Author's Note: I'm absolutely thrilled with the opportunity to be spotlighted this week. I have come to have a huge amount of admiration for the members of this group. I'm excited to share this chapter with you, and to learn from your wonderful insights.

More Things In Heaven and Earth was my first baby - my 2013 Nanowrimo project, and it's going to press this fall. I need to have it polished to a bright shiny gleam by then, so be brutal. I can take it! ;)

Questions:

1) I realize you're jumping in in the middle, here, but I want you to be immersed in Simone's world. At what points do I write something that pulls you out of her story?

2) What is the overall emotion/feeling you get from this chapter?

3) How can I improve Simone's "voice?"

Thank you!!!

Genre: Fantasy

Rating: M - slight sexual content (you are not required to read mature content. Just simply let the author know in courtesy: #NBR my apologies, I don't read this content rating) Don't let the rating deter you if you're open to reading mature material. This chapter is  daring and bold.)

Winning Comment: Hi Elizabeth!

I hope all is well. I am honored to have the opportunity to read and comment on another one of your chapters. For my review, I want to focus on the interactions occurring between Simone and Michael. In particular, I want to talk about how to make their dialogue express more emotions.

Back in Round 26, I wrote a summary of ways in which a writer can write more emotions into her writing. If you don't mind, I will copy and paste some of my original comments here. Then I will provide you an example of what these strategies and techniques might look like for your chapter.