Next Big Recognition Contest

NBR World Update: We've added two new segments into the contest: 1) The Champion Reviewer 2) NBR Prompt Writing Contests. Information about these segments can be found in chapter 4 & 5 of this contest book :) 

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Comment Topic: Even a bad guy deserves a redeeming quality! Characters ought to be complex rather than cardboard cutouts, and dynamic rather than passive. Comment on the elements that help or hinder the complexity and dynamic of of the protagonist.

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Author #1: @Darkened_Forests

Book Title: Arising Fate

Specified Chapter: Chapter 1

Summary Thus Far in Book: N/A

Author's Note: Wow -- what an incredible opportunity to be spotlighted this week in NBR. The dedication, enthusiasm, comments and overall support from this group is something I've never seen before on 抖阴社区 -- it really makes you feel like you're apart of a community. Large shoutout to Dawn for creating this unique experience for all members, including myself. I'm really excited to be sharing this part of my story with you all.

I started Arising Fate in grade 12 (I'm in my final year at university now) -- the prologue is something I really haven't changed that much since its first conception. However, it does set up my entire story. Helps to form the bedrock of what this story will become.

That being said -- I feel like it can be improved, which is 100% why I chose it.

To the Questions:

1. What areas do you feel need to be pushed further? Whether through my characters, my descriptions, etc. Perhaps certain areas need to be reined in rather than expanded.

2. What do you think of Ash and Ren? Their personalities, how I introduced them / described them, how they stood against the Seeker, etc.

3. Does it make you want to read on? 

Genre: Fantasy

Rating: PG -13

Winning Comment: Hello, Darkened_Forests! Congratulations on being spotlighted this week!

For the comment topic, I could see how the two characters you've introduced are pretty different. Ash is more serious and Ren is much more humorous and was for most of the chapter. I thought the dialogue at the beginning of the chapter really showed their personalities and I liked the friendly banter between them. But then, when the Seeker came, it was like a switch had been flipped, for Ash mostly though. I liked to see the change in both of them, the way you described them. I could tell that they both know when it's okay to be funny and when it is time to be serious. Even Ren gets there eventually. I like that quality in characters. It's a good thing for them to have.

On to your questions!

1: I loved your descriptions of their surroundings. Those were fantastic in places. "A gust of wind picked up around them, blowing a sickening smell of spoiled milk and decay in their direction." I love this description in particular. I could imagine taking a deep breath through my nose and being sick to my stomach. These sort of descriptions were great! (But I think maybe in the sentence above, you might want to change 'a' to 'the'. It might flow better. But hey, YOU are the reader! It's your baby!).

Improvements... Perhaps you should make this prologue shorter?? I've read prologues where there is a brief sequence of action that gets the reader absolutely hooked and then they can't help but turn to the first chapter. This was a bit long for a prologue, I have to say. Not that it's a turn off! No, it's not! Definitely not! But prologues should be fast.