Next Big Recognition Contest

* Don't forget to vote :)

Comment Topic:

What is the one moment of the chapter that is most memorable to you?

---

Author #1: gabbyz98

Book Title: My Tom-boyish Life

Book Link: /story/35581005-my-tom-boyish-life-wattys2015

Specified Chapter: 4

Summary Thus Far in Book: So far in this story, the family is moving out from Fulton. My Tom boyish life is a story about a young teenager Liana O'connor, who has been boyish in her entire life. I tend to focus on making it humorous and extremely funny, it's a teen fiction genre overall. Although in short I try to display her hardships she has been facing as a 'tom-boy' in her family and surroundings as well. She has her own scars, and inferiority, and has been shielding her emotions and tends to push people away from her but that changes very slowly as she opens up her heart to the one she loves.

Author's Note: I am so excited to be in the spotlight. English isn't my first language nor second but I would love to know honest opinions about my story, though I still need to work hard on that. I would love to know how you guys think of my story line, grammars, vocabs and everything that adds up to it :) Forgive me if you ever find it cliché.

Chapter Rating: PG

Genre: Teen Fiction

Winning Comment: I commend you for the effort and determination you have to write a story in a language that is not only not your first language, but your third! That takes a lot of guts. That being said, for me, that language barrier is very obvious, and my only advice would be to keep at it. Keep going and you can only get better. The story line was sweet. Girl has a boyfriend, messes around, gets caught, and is mortified. I'm sure most girls can relate to that! And the most memorable part for me would definitely be when the mom tells her she knows what they were doing in the bathroom. That was embarrassing, but more embarrassing was how she was almost congratulating her on it! I would be thinking "Ew! That's gross mom!" too! Some issues I noticed that are not related your language barrier would be punctuation, but I can see that others have already pointed that out for you. Another thing I noticed was your tense. Your story is in past tense, but every once in awhile you used present tense worse or phrases. For example, "I moisten my lips" is present tense, as if she is doing it in that moment, whereas past tense would be, "I moistened my lips". The transition from bedroom scene to bus scene could be made a little smoother. I noticed you put the break lines in, but maybe explain right away what they are doing in the car. She talks about her dad not knowing anything about cars and how she is always the mechanic, I think that maybe you should explain why. How does she know so much about cars? Where did she learn? Who did she learn from? Other than that, I think it was a great effort and I applaud you for being brave enough not only to write a story in your third language, but to also put it up for critique as well. - KaraMichelleBooks

Follow this Winner: KaraMichelleBooks

1st Runner Up: GreatGustav

2nd Runner Up: Punchins

Final Author's Note: I wanna thank each and everyone who read my story and had their time writing the critiques! I chose KaraMichelleBooks as the winning comment because she had challenged me and questioned me things i never once asked myself or reasoned. She noticed the transition and the tense and had me questions i never thought i could answer only to make me realize i missed some parts which was unbelievable! Thank you all, most comments were helpful and it provided me with idea and vast knowledge on how to be a writer as well :) and I appreciate the encouragements I got even when they knew English was my third language! Thank to all but especially to Dawn ^_^ (Thanks, Love)