Next Big Recognition Contest

We have an announcement to make! The deadline  for VOTING in the November Prompt Challenge has been extended to December 9th! Please go check out the amazing entries we have for this month. The winner will be announced at December 10th. Go everyone!

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Vote! It helps NBR ;)

Commenting time frame (CST): 12/2~12/11

Moderator: swiftiegirl1010

Comment Topic: Comment on the author's use of body language and dialogue to bring forth their main character.

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Author #1: Bluehall

Book Title: Silkenbeard

Spotlight Chapter: Chapter 1

Summary: Shane Fox discovers Teagan Sparrow is not an ordinary girl. She leads a secret life. With secret powers. And a secret mission: to ensure the life of Lila Nash unfolds as it's supposed to. Only ... Lila Nash lives in a different dimension. Together, Shane and Teagan travel to Silkenbeard, where things get complicated fast.

Author's Note:

1. Which bits worked for you?

2. Which bits didn't work and why?

In-line comment preference: Welcome.

Genre: YA (Teen fic)

Rating: PG

Winning Comment: Firstly, I'd like to applaud your ability to tell us what the character thinks. Usually when author's try to sneak that in i get annoyed but you managed to keep me intrigued and avoided making his thoughts the only form of communicating what he was feeling. Good job!

One thing I'd like to mention, is that you didn't really explain what was happening around shane. Speech was great, you're characters have their individual voices and all, but the descriptions in this book (or at least the description in this chapter) need a little augmentation.

It's not that it's important to tell the reader that the hallway shane and Taegan were talking in was dimly light- but it adds to our visual connection to the scene.

It's not important to the plot if you mention that a couple of tiny wrinkles formed at the corners of Taegan"s eyes when she smiled- but it's the little things like that that help the reader distinguish your characters and their special traits and use them later on as the story progresses. Then everytime you mention Taegan smiling, the audience will automatically imagine her eyes wrinkling at the creases and so on and so forth.

ou've got great dialogue, like I mentioned before, but the things you're making your characters say don't really seem unique.

Let me explain:

You had Shane's friend ask about miss higgy's mount everest talk with the same (or closely resembling) words that were too close to when Taegan asked that question that there would be no way of knowing who said it if you asked the reader to tell you.

I would suggest that you add a catch phrase/word they often use so that the reader can link that word to the character. I would also suggest that you go against your impulses as a writer and maybe put the words out of order or change up the way they say things to make their specific voice stand out.