Next Big Recognition Contest

Comment Tip: Every Wednesday, the winner, the winning comment and runner ups for the past round are announced within the chapter in which past authors were spotlighted. Go back to round 29, maybe you've won! Read up, study and learn from past winning comments. Work smart, not hard.

Comment Topic: How can the author accentuate/better the descriptors used to describe the world they've created? Be specific.

Enforcers will be on the lookout for non-quality comments.

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Author #1 [抖阴社区 Featured Author]:AlecHutson

Book Title: The Crimson Queen

Specified Chapter: Chapter 16 - Alyanna

Summary Thus Far in Book: The Crimson Queen is an epic fantasy that follows the adventures of a young boy after he manifests magical ability in a land that despises sorcerers. This chapter is from the perspective of the novel's antagonist, the immortal sorceress Alyanna. She is posing as a concubine in the imperial harem in the empire of Menekar, because this gives her influence over the empire through the emperor. In this chapter she is confronted by the black vizier, one of the advisers to the emperor, who has become suspicious of her. This adviser is originally from the Empire of Swords and Flowers, a land based off of ancient China, though he was raised in the Menekarian court. You'll also encounter the Chosen, which are demons that Alyanna stole away from the warlocks of Shan (another name for the Empire of Swords and Flowers). There's a lot more to the book, but I think that's all you need to know for this chapter.

Author's Note: First, thank you Dawn for all your efforts. It's an amazing group you've put together here, and we're so lucky to have you. Second, I'm sorry to my fellow NBR-ers that I'm dropping you into my book at about the 40% mark - I know things will be a little confusing - please just try and roll with it and don't worry if you don't understand everything. Okay! My questions:

1: what did you think of the dialogue - was each character distinct and was it interesting?

2: what did you think of Alyanna? I really wanted to try and create a villain that was unique and not just a typical fantasy bad guy (Sauron, Voldemort, etc) Did I succeed - does she intrigue you as a character based on this snippet?

Thank you all so much!

Genre: Fantasy

Rating: PG

Winning Comment: Hey Alec,

First up, congrats on being Featured. How's the view from the VIP existence? All champagnes and limos? :)

I'll just jot down anything that comes to mind as I read through your chapter.

The maid had mentioned a magical bird ie one, but Alyanna had "found the birds, a small tribe of them..." I was expecting something similar to The Nightingale when I read about the maid gushing over the magical bird ie one bird, as was in The Nightingale.

I don't know about you but WP mangles my em dashes. The editor changes it to a hyphen most times. I think that might've been what's happened to your chapter, "... in this garden - such as you, my dear - I do not..." —> "... in this garden—such as you, my dear—I do not..."

I was advised to capitalise the titles in my writing, so your line "Of course, my lord." would be "Of course, My Lord." as that is replacing Wen's name and is opposed to him being a generic "my lord".