Next Big Recognition Contest

See that star? Vote :)

Comment Topic: At which part of the chapter was the author able to grip your full undivided attention--if ever? How so? Five sentences or more. I will be on the lookout for Non-Quality comments. 

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Author #1: thedeadlypen

Book Title: Dead Suitors Tell No Tales

Specified Chapter: chapter 1

Summary Thus Far in Book: N/A

Author's Note: Hello everybody! I can't tell you all enough how excited I am to be spotlighted this week! Thanks to the wonderful Dawn for spotlighting me in the first place; I can hardly believe this is finally happening ;)

The chapter I've chosen to spotlight is the first one. Out of all the chapters of my book so far, this is the one I've struggled with the most, and the one I can't seem to get right, so any help with it is appreciated. This is also my very first story, so I would love any type of feedback you have. Don't hold back; rip it to pieces! :D

My main questions are:

1. Is the chapter interesting enough to make you want to read on, and why or why not? Please be honest; it's okay if you politely say that you hate it ;)

2. With my plot line, there might be some cliche elements in it (e.g. the whole "rebellious princess" idea), but I'm trying my best to make it as non-cliche and realistic as possible. Did I succeed in doing this, and if not, how can I improve?

3. What are your overall impressions of Amara, my protagonist? 

Genre: Fantasy

Rating: Rated PG-13 for slight violence

Winning Comment: Hi! Congratulations on being spotlighted this week! I was excited to read this chapter because I was intrigued by the title "Dead Suitors Tell No Tales". It sounded very unique and interested. I took notes as I read this part so I'll be leaving comments in that order, answering your questions and talking about this round's topic as I go. Please don't hesitate to ask me questions if you find something unclear. :)

1. Like I already mentioned, I love the title. I liked the cover as well! It's attractive enough to prompt the reader to click Read. :D

2. My first thought after reading the first two paragraphs was: This seems like a really good place to start this story. The first two paragraphs kindled my curiosity about Amara. What was she up to? Where was she? What's going on? I always enjoyed stories where the writer makes you ask questions from the very start, rather than bombarding you with descriptions as information. Those two paragraphs are enough for me to discover that your writing is very, very good. And I was right! This entire chapter is VERY well-written, it was a real joy to read. But before I sidetrack, I do have one suggestion that can make those two passages better. There was a slight problem that I found with the flow because Amara winces, grimaces, and cringes repeatedly in those two paragraphs alone. The fact that the brute threw her against the wall is mentioned twice in a small space, causing the otherwise smooth flow to falter.

"Pain erupted from her body as she struggled to escape the man's iron grip that held her fast against the wall with one sizeable hand, the other delivering a stinging slap to her cheek."