抖阴社区

Round 37

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Friday April 29 - Friday May 6

vote ~ Vote ~ vote

Prompt Writing Challenge #1 is Live! 

Comment Topic: Characters in a novel never just talk. Good dialogue has a purpose and escalates toward something. If dialogue stays neutral and flat, it feels empty. Is the authors' dialogue escalating toward a purpose? Be specific when supporting your answer.

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Author #1: The_Soccer_Thief

Book Title: Bruises and Beautifying

Specified Chapter: Chapter 1

Summary Thus Far in Book: N/A

Author's Note: First a special thanks to Dawn for creating this program! And second a huge thanks to all the NBR members who help my story. This is my first ever story published onto 抖阴社区 so I realize that there may be mistakes I need to get to! I appreciate every single comment and suggestion to help make it better! My questions are:

1. What are your thoughts on the chapter overall? Is it a good way to start the book?

2. What is your opinion on the characters mentioned?

3. Does it make you want to continue reading?

Genre: Teen Fiction

Rating: PG

Winning Comment: Well... This isn't too bad. I can't say it particularly grabbed my attention, but it wasn't really boring either. You do have a neat idea in that you chose a female lead for a sports based story. I haven't really seen that much, but I'm not a big fan of sports or of this genre, so I might not be the best person to ask about originality of your story.... Anyway, let's get into the critique, shall we?

Answering Your Questions:

1. Thoughts on the chapter:

As I said, it's an okay start. It isn't terribly riveting, but that may be because I don't really read this genre or care about sports, so I don't connect to the MC. Grammar is something of an issue, at least in so far as tense and wording go. But I'll get into that toward the end of the critique. In general, I felt the chapter was okay. I came out of reading it with an indifferent feeling: I neither loved nor hated it. I don't feel I wasted my time reading, but I don't particularly feel the time was well-spent either.

2. Opinions on characters:

Dahlia:

She's nice. I haven't seen much of her, but she seems like the stereotypical best friend: always supportive and fashionable. If you flesh her out more in coming chapters, she'll be a good character.

Hadley:

Meh... Not to be mean, but she falls flat for me. I don't care much about sports, though I didn't mind playing baseball and soccer when I was a kid. As such, I have no way of relating to her because the only thing she seems to care about is soccer. She's just so 1 dimensional... Really, she needs more personality and something that matters beyond one friend and soccer. I really don't understand her or her motivations, and that's not good. I should be getting a little of an idea here, but I have nothing...

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