Next Big Recognition Contest

Announcement: The NBR Gates have been extended until round 31. If you haven't resubmitted another chapter into the queue, here's your final chance!

Comment Topic: Identify the Mini-Plot of the chapter, and describe how the writer can make it bolder---more juicier. Be specific. 

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Author #1: The3dreamers

Book Title: The Dream Weaver

Specified Chapter: Prologue

Summary Thus Far in Book: Wren's first day at her new school was a twisted Infernal Devices kind of day –in other words, anything but ordinary. With Kellan and Jaxon battling for her attention, their Twilight love triangle draws Wren into a hidden world she never dreamed possible.

Unlocking the mystery of her lost memories, mystical tattoos and unusual abilities is only the beginning of her being able to unravel her past, and find out who she really is. Claiming her role in a world she knows nothing about is more dangerous than she knows.

Author's Note: So excited to hear everyone's feedback this week. (*Thank you, Dawn for shining this week's spotlight on my work!*) The prologue is a key chapter that's referred to again and again in the book, so it's important for me to get it just right.

1. What are your thoughts of this opening chapter?

2. Has this chapter captured your attention to read on? If not, why?

3. What are your suggestions for improvement?

Genre: Fantasy

Rating: PG

Winning Comment:

Dear Amber,

I really liked this prologue. You have a pretty intense scene here. I was especially intrigued that in beginning we don't really see who the antagonist is. Instead, we see the flames engulfing the forest. The encroaching fire is symbolic for both the relentlessness of the antagonist, as well as his destructive power. So, these elements worked very well. The conflict, though seeming to be a person v. natures, actually encompasses a larger, perhaps, supernatural force at play. Wren's escape from the flames into the ocean with her mother also symbolizes a wonder contrasts between cool ocean waters from the burning flames. This contrasts also heightens of the characterization of Wren's mother, who seems very protective.

After reading your chapter a few times, I had spotted several aspects to the style of your writing and to how you constructed the narrative of your prologue. When I began to write my review, I noticed that several of the NBR reviewers had already mentioned the things that I was going to write about: style concerns and scene development/construction. Other areas for revision, such as characterization and use of embedded description, were also well attended to by other NBR reviewers. (These reviewers catch everything, don't they!)

What I decided to do for this review, instead, is to offer some detailed commentary and feedback on a few specific key parts of the chapter. I'll focus on the introduction part of the chapter to discuss scene development. Then I will highlight a paragraph to demonstrate advanced editing strategies and techniques. I hope my comment can "show" different ways to think of future revisions here. I really hope my comments are helpful.

Here we go!

Okay, so, as you probably already know if you read a few of my former reviews, I'm all about scene analysis and scene construction. This prologue starts off with what Jordan Rosenfeld calls an "action scene" in her "Make a Scene: Crafting a Powerful Story One Scene at a Time." Here's what Jordan says about action scenes: