Next Big Recognition Contest

Big Announcement: Do you have that other book or chapter you've always wanted to spotlight? The NBR Spotlight Gates have opened. If you've been spotlighted/featured on NBR and would like to spotlight another piece of your work, please PM me your: 1) book 2) chapter 3) Genre

Comment Topic: One element that differentiate stories/books from one another is through the Voice of the writer. Comment on how the writer's voice has captured the essence of the chapter. (Dawn, how you make us think!)

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Author #1:Hob-Goblin

Book Title: A Dance of Shadows

Specified Chapter: Chapter 1

Summary Thus Far in Book: - London, 1888

The Sentinels, a mixture of warriors who protect the Gentry and human race, are struggling to keep everyone safe. Sluaghs, once mindless and ravenous beasts, have began to hunt in packs. The Underfae, now showing signs of organisation, of mild intelligence, have become all the more dangerous, abducting Humans and Gentry alike from London's streets: though it's always worse when they come back...

There are no sparkling heroes in this story, or damsels in distress. For the first time, the villain might win.

Author's Note:

1. Did you enjoy the style of the chapter; if so, or not, why?

2. What are your initial thoughts about Gem, the main character?

3. Would you want to read on, and why?

Thank you very much!

Genre: Fantasy/Historical Fiction

Rating: PG

Winning Comment:*Let me start off by saying, your prologue's last two lines, "There are no sparkling heroes in this story, or damsels in distress. For the first time, the villain might win." I am loving this! Bad guys are the new interest (like pink is the new green, lol). Well, I tend to think the bad guys/girls are more intriguing and really draw readers in. Plus, it's good to know that what I'm about to read is something far from ordinary. Who doesn't like different?

Edits () change or add <> delete # indicates paragraph:

7- "fabric 'closer' to her face for 'closer' inspection" repetitive. Try a synonym for one, like "fabric (nearer/up) to her" or "face for (better) inspection".

9- "William Parish (leaned) against" might read better.

13- "Gem (threw) the dress"

23- "Why ever not?" (h)e asked"

24- "scoffing noises(;) it came at" would read better.

24- this line would read better if reordered to, "But with Mr. Parish('s sharp eyes) analyzing her every movement, she found..."

37- "For both reasons(,) Gem had" I think a pause is needed here.

38- "to the company(. I)n fact" might read better as two lines.

49- same here, better as two lines, "leave theater (altogether. S)he could"

52- you use 'leant' again here but to me it still doesn't read quite right. However, if this is written this way because the material is '1800's' then nm my comments about it.

52- "The bold(,) forest green shade" needs a pause here.

54- "damage, sir!" (s)he called back"

64- "hurried 'back' into the 'back' room" a bit repetitive, though not bad. If you could reword this, it might help though. Like, "hurried (once again) into the back room".