Next Big Recognition Contest

Round 21

6. continued...

If you have a reason for it (he's a pushover or something), then that's great, I just think you should say it because otherwise it seems like the chapter is rushed and his actual opinions are brushed aside simply in order to get the chapter written. I hope that makes sense!

NBR Round Topic: Show v. tell. I think this is good in most of the chapter, but I think it could be improved in the beginning. This is where they first meet, so it's a big moment in the story. I think more showing could be done when he's on the run, when they bump into each other, and in their first conversation before going to McDonald's. Other than that I think you're fine with the show v. tell balance.

Your questions: again, description was good except for the first scene of the chapter (though you did do some things well there, like her eye - bit confused though on whether she's blind in one eye or if it just has a cloudy color). See my #2 and #3 and for my ideas on how to add more description in that beginning scene. I liked the description later on and found it easy to read. There were very few times I was confused or had to re-read anything, so great job on that! Your next question was about how the characters act and what this tells me about them. Well, Eliza is bossy and clearly not from here. She's confident and doesn't seem to care much for people other than what they can do to help her. I like her though, and I find her very interesting and want to learn more about her, even if I dislike how she treats Lee. Jems seems a bit one-dimensional (good friend, happy, smiling and not much else), but this is our first time seeing her so I'm sure you'll add more depth to her later. Lee...he needs to learn how to stick up for himself. If you see my comment above about his personality, it's more that I'm not sure whether his personality is that of a pushover or if the chapter was rushed. Otherwise I think he's nice and has potential to grow.

Network with this Winner: masheena

1st Runner Up: thedeadlypen

2nd Runner Up: writervid

Final Author's Note: N/A

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Author #2: Regular_Guy

Book Title: HUNTERS: DRACULA'S LAST MEAL.

Specified Chapter: Chapter 1 (1) Kim K's of Monster World (only review part 1)

Summary Thus Far in Book: Joe and Daisy Turner had put Monster Hunting on hold, focusing more on school. But when their Uncle, Jasper asked for their help during the Winter holiday, they had no choice but to put on their hunting boots once again and go do what they loved most... Fight. Loyalty and Trust towards family was one thing, but when it came with secrets, then that proved to be a catalyst for betrayal. One man who knew how use it against them was Dracula. The once immortal was now dying and he wanted his final act of revenge to be against the family that caused him so much pain over the last three decades... The Turners.

Author's Note: 

1) One Pro and One con of the Chapter.

2) Was the chapter interesting enough to make you go to the next chapter?

3) How can I make it even better?