Next Big Recognition Contest

Round 28

81- "Gem kicked the door out" if she's nervous, the horses and carriage aren't moving, the driver isn't responding, then why is she 'kicking' the door? That would make a lot of noise and draw attention to herself which seems dangerous given the circumstances.

96,97 You describe all the sounds as gurgling, growling, groaning and snorting. But then you follow with "the scratching of paws, of long ails and steady clicking, against the road" which isn't at all like the other sounds, yet you made it read like a continuation. You do say 'scraping' sound when she first hears something, but the first and last are different from everything in between. Perhaps mixing them would read better, less confusing.

93,99 You say she started to climb off the bench, but she froze at a sudden sound. So she's still on it, perhaps poised halfway off. And yet you go on to say "Her feet tripped to a halt" but she hadn't been walking or even moving. All she did was look over her shoulder.

Overview:

I'll make this short since I've written way, way too much already (grimaces in apology and shrugs, hoping you'll understand that I'm just very curious and want to make sure I understand exactly what's going on in the chapter. Perhaps a weak smile comes after this?)

You have an exceptional way with words here. Your descriptions are wonderful, even poetic at times. They really set the scene, which for the NBR topic, is what really made the chapter stand out as strong. Solid descriptions with light, dark and well written scenes, which is also why I'm voting for this chapter.

Your characters are all done well with strong voices. My only qualm was not quite understanding enough about the MC from the beginning. Great pace and flow to the chapter though. I've pretty much answered your questions except for the last. Would I read on? Well, that end, the hook, is very good. if I want to know what killed the horses and driver in the blink of an eye, without a sound, and is now approaching gem with those awful noises, yes, I will read on!

Network with this Winner:

1st Runner Up:

2nd Runner Up:

Final Author's Note:This whole week has been an amazing experience. All of you, whether you gave an in-depth criticism of the language and plot or wrote about how much you liked the chapter, have been outstanding. I've received so much critique and praise, which has been both immensely flattering and tremendously helpful. Every comment included something that I either liked, agreed with or could improve on, which will (hopefully) help me be a better writer - and editor!

Thank you so much, all of you, for being marvellous and eminently helpful readers!

Without further ado, the winners!

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Author #2 [NBR Board Member - Screener]: shespokewithmagic

Book Title: The Pretty Pact

Specified Chapter:Chapter 2: Spinning Slowly for The Pretty Pact.

Summary Thus Far in Book: Summary: This is a sequel to the first story, Am I Pretty Yet? Nina prepares for the second round of the beauty pageant she is a contestant in. In this particular chapter she is still getting used to finally having her best friend as a boyfriend as well as handling her pageant priorities as the date for the second round comes closer.