Next Big Recognition Contest

Round 31

--Action scenes unfold in "real time," allowing the reader to feel he is participating in the events of the scene

--The pace is quick, and there is some kind of physical movement

--The protagonist is forced to make quick decisions or to react—to run on instinct rather than intellect

--Unexpected consequences for the protagonist heighten the drama

--Actions scenes are the ones in which your protagonist acts first and thinks later

--Action scenes are often fast and intense

So, you prologue definitely captures many of these elements; however, the launch into the scene could be develop a little more smoothly. Jordan offers two ways to start an action scene. First, "in media res" (in the middle of the action) suggest starting the prologue right in the center of the action. Example:

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I plunge through the underbrush and scattered berry patches, feeling the branches and thorns dig into my legs and scratch my arms. I pull myself free of the thorns and press onward, despite the stinging pain.

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The second way to start an action scene, according to Jordan, is with a short foreshadowing paragraph. Example:

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Every night for the past three years, I've had this dream and have woken up lying in a tossed heap feeling like I've run a marathon. The dream always ended the same way, except on the first day of my senior year of school. That's when everything changed.

The fire howled behind me, engulfing the forest. Its heat reaching me as I ran through the forest. I plunged through the underbrush...

In using either of these scene launchers, the idea is to get the reader quickly into the feel of being in the scene and in the action. Jordan Rosenfeld warns writers to be careful about mixing up different types of scenes. For example, elements of a contemplative scene (one in which the character reflects on things) would not work well in the middle of an action scene. The action scene needs to be intense, focused, and instinctual. Given the descriptions of an action above, let's look at the start the action scene here.

Here are some recommendations based Jordan's ideas.

1) The introduction to the prologue and the scene doesn't match the intention behind an action scene. Paragraph one starts very closely to either a suspense scene or a contemplative scene. So, you might want to change the way you introduce this chapter. Kimberly wrightstory suggested you consider starting "in media res." See the samples I gave up above.

2) Being in the moment. Several reviewers have already mentioned that Wren observes too much. In an action scene, the reader needs to feel that she is in the moment along the side the character. To do this, a strong sense of narrative intimacy (e.g., what the characters and feels occurs as "real time" and authentic for the action) must be woven into the writing. Let's look at your second paragraph here.

Your second a paragraph could an attempt to setup the dream sequence, but this really should start with the action already. As a writer, you want to bring the reader quickly into the action. Here is some of my feedback:

Original paragraph:

In the dream, everything is vividly clear, feeling deceptively real. [Note, vividly clear is redundant and this sentence is not needed if you are actually going to make the scene clear for the reader.] I can hear my breath with every panicked step I take. [This line is written from a "distant" location, not bring the reader into the intimate action. Narrative intimacy is what you want here.] Laboured and deep, out of practice like I've never run before in my life. [Thinking one is "out of practice" doesn't really show how she is "panicked." See the inconsistent thought here.] Heated with each inhale I take, the ache in my chest burns out of control making my lungs feel tight. [This sentence is okay, but what is missing is the fact that forest is burning down. This is a huge forest fire. So the reader will need to know this before this line makes sense.] The begging need to stop and catch my breath rings loud and clear throughout my body, a plea I'm forced to ignore as I labour on. [In this line, Wren ignores her body's plea. This thought process actually slows down the past of the action, allowing for some contemplation of the body in dialogue with her mind.] Like a wild animal following their instinct to live, I'm focused only on my flight away from the ever-approaching danger. [Yes, this important, but most wild animals are not aware of this instinct, they just act. See Jordan's descriptions of an action scene above.]