Next Big Recognition Contest

Round 33

As always, my aim is to be a support for you and for your work. I really liked your chapter and think you have some pretty solid stuff here. So, my suggestions will focus more on the details here. I will offer you suggested revisions. Please take my ideas as just things to consider. Sometimes I totally miss the mark. Either way, this is your work, and you know what's best for you.

Writing emotions

When writing fiction, there are usually two approaches to the voice of writing: narrative distance versus narrative intimacy. Narrative distance refers to when the author writes from a detached perspective, detached from the character's emotional or mental state. This occurs easiest when writing with a third person, objective point of view (e.g., The man pulled his revolver out and aimed it at the sheriff.) But narrative distance can also occur when using first person. Albert Camus's opening lines for his book, "The Stranger," are perhaps one of the best examples of this kind of distance: "Mother died today. Or was it yesterday. I can't be quite sure." Narrative distance keeps the reader away from the inner workings of the character. The advantage of using narrative distance is that it allows the writer to jump around from different points-of-view or to span across different aspects of a situation without the reader being heavily invested in a character's thoughts.

On the flip side, narrative intimacy refers to when the writer wants the reader to go deeply into the thoughts, emotions, and personality of the character. Of course, writing in first person offers the best way to do this, but this can also be done in third person (e.g., The man pulled out ole' trusty, the six-shooter his Pa got him for his thirteenth birthday, and pointed it at the sheriff.) Generally, most writers want to write for narrative intimacy because this draws readers closer to the character.

In Round 31, my review for swiftiegirl010 's chapter in her book "Magaia: The Sisters," focused exclusively on creating narrative intimacy as a way to deepen the characterization. I provided specific examples from her chapter. If you want to take a look, the link is here: (see link in round). Also, feel free to read her highly engaging chapter!

The most important thing about writing emotions involves showing the building emotional state. The old ruling behind this has been: thinking leads to emotions, emotions lead to action. So, if a character cries in a scene, but the reader has not seen the build-up to this crying the scene loses its emotional appeal. Instead, if the reader "sees" the build-up, then crying would be much more powerful (e.g., She let the letter fall from her hands. How could he have been so cruel, especially after all she did for him? Didn't he know that she loved him? Love? She shook her head. Love? She balled her fingers into a tight first. "I've been so, stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid!" she thought. "How can anyone just love me?" Her face trembled as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She closed her eyes, feeling the tear slip down her cheek.) Can you see the build-up there? Can you see that this sample captures narrative intimacy? Finally, notice that there is a mixture of thoughts and small physical actions that help harness the emotion forward. These small actions are oftentimes called "beats." A beat is a small unit of writing, usually in the form of small actions or gestures. We'll get to those later.

When getting emotional in a scene, the writer should have a general idea of what ought to be happening emotionally with the character in the scene.

The easiest way to write with emotions is for the writer to feel those emotions herself and to write from that perspective. Simply, don't be afraid to "go there" and don't be afraid to actually cry when you are writing. I just recently wrote a poem about a girl who dreamed about a boy she loved who passed away. Here I am an adult male, balling my eyes out when writing this one stanza. So, "going there" can really help when writing.

Sometimes, however, there are lots of emotions in a scene: fear, frustration, confusion, love, relief. This is often the case when two different characters start off in two different emotional places. When revising you might want to make a mental checklist of what your characters are feeling through the dialogue and build in actions and inner thoughts that reveal those shifting emotions.