Next Big Recognition Contest

Round 62

I don't think in your case, you will need to worry about balance, because one doesn't detract from the other. Don't wonder if the joke you tell is funny, because that's not your style of humour. If the situation you create makes you laugh, it will most likely make us all laugh. And if it misses, it doesn't matter because it wasn't the distracting narrator playing comedian it was just an event that some laughed at and other's read through. No problem.

As for adventure and horror, well pirates are horror so that will be accepted by anyone who jumped on-board. Being able to use horror to generate fear will make the adventure aspect more exciting. My only suggestion would be to set a level of gore and stick with it. Not that I'm saying make every scene as gory as the worst one, but if you going there at all, don't hold back at some other time just for the reader.

Inconsistencies:

After the innkeeper brings their drinks and a bottle of rum, in a carefree manner, he's asked with a smile to bring another bottle. But he doesn't just bring a bottle, he brings another five cups and a bottle. But after serving them and getting a smile the first time, why is he 'trembling' when doing it again, moments later?

Okay, I've now got to the part where stalker is in the dark corner with a bottle. I read the 'he' as the subject of the sentence, the innkeeper. If you want it to be Stalker who takes the bottle, you're going to have to name him instead of using 'he' in that sentence. So the first time the innkeeper served them he would have been nervous, but we weren't told about it. And it was stalker who was calm and got smiled at. I left the previous note so you could see my thoughts transition.]

Grammar:

"door widely but slowly" This would feel better as "door slowly but widely". I think this is because the first word is the process and the second word is the result.

"came back, the lost son" Unless he left as one person, while over the horizon became the lost son, then returned, I would recommend that comma be a period.

"faster.< >Tiago"

It seems that you prefer not to use the Oxford-comma. If you are doing this to meet a style requirement, fine. But be aware that it has value in clarifying the meaning of a sentence and a style that avoids it also avoids this clarity. There is one sentence where I feel it works better to avoid the possible Oxford-comma. "As for Steagle, he hiccupped, burped and threw up between his bare feet." By not preceding the 'and' with a comma in this sentence, you rightly indicate that the burping and throwing up were concurrent, not successive. If this was the intent, I would recommend swapping the previous comma for 'then'.

All other occurrences where you excluded it would have added clarity if it was used, but none were critical or undecipherable, so I haven't mentioned them specifically. If there is a real problem in later reviews this week, I will highlight them, but otherwise not mention this again.

"For now, time was (about) getting away." if you mean they were running out of time. Or "For now, it was time to run." I know this phrasing fails to emphasise the dual purposes of time, but I don't know a better way to phrase it without causing confusion.

"to look up and discover(ed) four" Current tense because of the 'had -- to' combination. The same has 'had looked up to see.'

"clubs.< >She swore"

["But I..." stumbled Savy] I think 'stammered' would work better than 'stumbled' in this case.

"As the innkeeper arrived with their drinks on a heavy tray, he nipped the bottle of rum, spat on the floor and disappeared in a dark corner of the room." Your prepositions make everything happen simultaneously. Maybe consider, "As the innkeeper arrived with their drinks on a heavy tray, Stalker nipped the bottle of rum, spat on the floor, then disappeared into a dark corner of the room."