Next Big Recognition Contest

Round 62

Network With This Winner: raphoenix23

First Runner-Up: LLMontez

Second Runner-Up: mamoritai

*

Author #3: SamSchloesing

Book Title: Tales of a Pirate Crew

Specified Chapter: Ponder the past, assault the present

Summary Thus Far in Book: Captain Desjours dreams about the past, wakes up in jail and finds out that he has a chatty neighbor. Savy reappears on the ship, safe and sound, to Alexandra's shocked surprise. Ooma, Tiago and Stalker, standing in front of the prison, have a debate about how to rescue their captain.

Author's Note: 1/ I reveal more about the past of several characters in this part, trying to make it relatable, realistic, and coherent with who they are now. Is it catchy, interesting enough and does it make you want to know more (care more) about them?

2/ As all of these parts are supposed to be focusing on character PoVs, is there any ugly telling? (I'm actually wondering about that for the entire story...)

Winning Comment: 

Before I start the review, I'd like to say that for some reason, I really like the title of this chapter :)

Also, sorry for the late comment.

1. I was actually going to mention this even before I read this question, but I absolutely loved the insight you gave us about the characters in this chapter.

It starts of with Lesya, I believe. This part was written in Savy's point of view, and even though I doubt that Savy was very close to her (or even if Savy *knew* her), you've done a really good job showing the effect of Lesya's loss. Especially on the captain.

By using phrases like 'Lesya (...) had been beautiful', 'she was everywhere', and 'heart aching for Etienne', you've really managed to create sympathy in the reader for Cap. And the part wasn't even in his POV!

You've also told us a little bit more about Savy through her thoughts. At first, she thinks of one of the men who threatened her as a 'poor man', telling us that she's a very kind-hearted person who believes that no one (close to no one, anyway) deserves a very harsh death. You then go on to showing us that she's cutting off her own thoughts of his being 'poor', telling us that though she is very kind and 'soft', she also knows to be practical. I especially liked the way you ended her part ("Right?") because it really shows us how much she's doubting her own (and Alexandra's) philosophy and she isn't sure whether or not her life is worth another's. If that doesn't make a reader care for a character, then I don't know what will.

I would suggest giving us more insight into Savy's own backstory, but I think that'd be best saved for another chapter. Over here, you've told us that she was 'an abused upper class bride' and left it at that. Personally, I think it really fits in like that :)

That one line serves to kind of tease the readers and hint at her past. Adding in her back story over here would make the chapter seem kind of like an info-dump since you've already added things about Steagle's past.

Steagle's character stood out and was emphasized on a lot in this chapter. The back-story you gave about him really helps us understand him better as a character and (obviously) care for him more.

2. As far as 'ugly telling' goes (I'm assuming by that you meant 'telling each character's story rather than showing it'), I think you've done a pretty good job avoiding it.

Most of the characters' emotions were portrayed through their actions, so no worries there. As far as back-stories go, you can't exactly *show* characters' pasts, so there were no problems with the way you revealed things here.

While the different POVs can be a little confusing upon first glance, I think as you go on reading the story, you become more used to them, and they really start to grow on you. It's fairly easy to distinguish between all the different characters' stories, and you've managed to portray each character very well. I like how you've showed us each of their separate personalities, and how even though many of them have that side of them that screams "pirate", all of them also have their own personality traits which set them apart from the rest.

The only reason any of the parts would feel a little "telling" would be if they were slightly shorter and didn't give off all the details that they could have. I didn't really see that problem in this one. (The first spotlighted chapter, I believe, had more shorter parts--and more parts in general--but I'm pretty sure that's because that chapter was a combination of more chapters, so it's not too much of a problem.)

You're descriptions in both this chapter and the last were very well done, and I was able to visualise everything very clearly. I didn't spot any major issues with 'telling' in the descriptions.

I think running through the in-line comments once and perhaps shortening some of the overly long sentences could help out in the flow a bit so that it's easier to portray things.

Overall, this was a very interesting chapter (and story)! You've got a very well-developed and unique plot, as well as characters who stand out a lot, so I think you've done a great job with it!

Just out of curiosity, what do you plan on doing with the asterisked (I doubt that's actually a word) parts? Most of them are very interesting/funny, so it would be a shame if you cut them out.

(Also, this is completely off-topic, but is Desjours an actual French last name? I'm always stuck thinking of who to address things to in French class--I've used 'Dubois' way too many times xP)

Network With This Winner: infinitysbeyond

First Runner-Up: raphoenix23

Second Runner-Up: mamoritai

*

Final Author's Note: I know, I took my time! But I finally chose my winner reviewers. And if you had the chance to be spotlighted, you know how hard it is! So believe me when I tell you that going through so many awesome comments to chose the best on three chapters was an herculean task. And yet, the hardest part is ahead, edit my chapters (and the Tales) following your comments. Of course, I often disagreed (but it's your fault, you were so supportive that I'll remain full of myself! Sorry!^^). But a lot of pointers were definitely worse giving a thought or two about it!

Thank you all for such an intense week and long live NBR!

*

Directions:

1. Go to EACH of the Author's Profile Page and Find the Book specified by the Author.

2. 抖阴社区 one Comment per Author but DO NOT write it here. 抖阴社区 it in the Author's own Comment Section. Be sure to Answer the COMMENT TOPIC and pay attention to the Author's Note.

- (Do not Comment on here. Only comment on this page if you have questions or comments pertaining to the directions)

3. All comments must include the #NBR. If you do NOT include #NBR in your comment then your comment is DISQUALIFIED. Do this: #NBR then Comment. If you forget to hashtag, simply post another comment mentioning #NBR.

4. Comments must be 10 sentences or more - remember the Quality Comment thing?

Remember: DIPLOMACY is defined as: the art of dealing with people in a sensitive and effective way

Remember: Never judge a book by its cover.

Remember: #NBR then write the comment.

Remember: Do not give up on the chapter. The Author chose it for a reason.