Next Big Recognition Contest

Round 67: Happy 2017

This conversation should build to the climax for the scene, with Cael cutting it off in anger when Fischer approaches. (Have Cael waiting outside the restaurant while he's on the phone. Maybe have it that they all wore a special color shirt or something for recognition.)

COMMENT TOPIC (CONT.)

This would set Cael up for having a team of 3 instead of 4. When Mia walks in, have her be the one on the team. Have another conversation about a team member bailing, and then have Mia suggest Tristan, who's waiting for her in the car outside. Cael can make a snarky comment about Tristan being her boyfriend or something. Create tension between all of the players, not just from Cael's side.

One place where your dialogue was spot-on was with this line from Mia: "We're in this for the funsies and for the _screen time._" Your word choice and use of stress italics conveys her tone and attitude perfectly.

Also, when the waiter mentions "muscle-bound oaf," have Fischer reply "There goes his tip." Most waiters in the US will never say anything to offend a customer, as their tip depends on it. (They don't even make minimum wage, as their tips are factored into their expected earnings. Weird payroll laws.)

Another tip: When dealing with text messages, you could use graphics to convey the information. Here is an example from a Watty 2016 winner for best use of visuals:

She used Facebook posts, but the same could be done to text messages.

QUESTION 1:

About the number of characters, more description would help for each one. Other than having black hair and some acne, I have no idea what Cael looks like. What's his skin tone? What color are his eyes. Does he have bags under them from all-night gaming sessions followed by a day filled with boring lectures and tedious lab sessions?

It would help to know Fischer's hair color, as well. Most identification starts with the prominent features: hair color and body type. Smile and eye color are noticed next.

QUESTION 1 (CONT):

Tristan is graceful and wearing a blue shirt. Mia is a model. Those are all very vague identifications. Spend a paragraph on each describing the following information. But don't just describe it, indicate how at least one feature makes Cael feel through his inner dialogue as he sizes up his teammates (you do a bit of this already).

eye shape, eye color, hair length, hair color, hair texture, hair style, facial shape, body shape for Mia and Tristan.

Also, if Mia is a model, what's different about her from every other girl he's ever met? Most people have never met a model. They do different things. Her nails are probably manicured, she's probably wearing a mini dress with heels (he could have an opinion about her overdressing). If they're at a café, why aren't they eating or at least given their order by now?