Next Big Recognition Contest

Round 83

Right after? That's not one of them.

Sorry, these reactions seem a little disjointed. I was writing them down as they came to me, so this is basically a glimpse of my mind's processing functions. I'm more busted up than I thought.

I get why Luke requests to have her sedated. It makes me mad at him and sad for her. She doesn't need to be numbed, she needs to feel these things in order to heal. Luke is taking away a vital part of our human coping mechanism because he doesn't understand. The hell, man! Just leave her alone.

That wasn't very detailed, I apologize. This has honestly been a week something akin to the second circle of hell.

Question time! I love that these questions really give us a chance to expound on our own perceptions. For my next round, I'm totally taking a page out of your book.

Q1: Which character?


Naluma. For obvious reasons. I thought I could really go into why, but now that I'm typing it out, I can't. But just know that your realism was enough to affect me. Her pain is powerful.

Q2: Metaphor:

I'm going more for the parallelism of this story. I noticed you did one thing really well (among a slew of other things you did really well)

Naluma is like her room. She shuts herself off from the world, wanting to be completely alone. I noticed that you mentioned she shut off everything but voice command - interesting. When in the hospital, it's Luke's command that gets her to bring down her shield as well.

Similarly, Naluma becomes cold and "sterile", just like the hospital. Naluma is part of her environment.

I found this powerful. Your description of the locations was as strong as your descriptions of the characters themselves. Many writers ignore the character-to-environment connection, which is infuriating sometimes. You do a great job bringing the two together, meshing them and braiding them into a seamless element of your story that adds dimension. I loved it.

I LOVED this chapter and hope that sometime in the next 48 hours, I have time to go into the next few.

All the love,

-L

➤ Network with this winner: LLMontez

➤ 1st runner up: CatharticNonsense

➤ 2nd runner up: FayLane

➤ Final Author's Note: 

Honorable mentions:

reaweiger, wandwsawday, OctaviaLocke, CrystalPascale, painebook, redtoadmedia

Thank you to the 53(!) NBR Members who read and commented my chapters, providing an overwhelming Champion Reviewer round. My head is still spinning. Thanks for embracing the visceral response approach. A big thank you to all of you who did not make improvement suggestions. (I really couldn't handle 150 "helpful suggestions" this time.)

This chapter arc (Chapters 41-49) is close to my heart. I had to become both Luke and Naluma as I wrote these chapters. While I have never even been pregnant, I was wrapped up in their pain throughout the writing and revising and rewriting. These chapters are still deep within me.