?This is a story based on true events about someone who is on their journey to recovery from mental illness. Their questioning of gender and sexuality. Going through relationships and break ups. Just an all about coming of age story of a person that...
So after Mandy's one sentence reply from last night I blocked her on all social media. I think Jack told her what I'd done because next thing you know I've got a message from Mandy's secret account on my secret account. She said she thought our friendship meant more to me and that she deserved an explanation, like it was my fault. I guess it is my fault, I'm not a good friend that's why I did it. I want her to be happy and that is easier without me pulling her down. That aside, she was using a secret account to stalk mine when I've told her I don't want people I know seeing it. That account is a safe place for me, it's a place I can express myself without worrying about being judged by the people I know in real life. If I wanted to talk to her about something I would and most times I do, there's no need for her to go behind my back like she has been doing.
Then I found out Jack has been doing the same thing! But unlike Mandy, they won't tell me the name of the account so I can block it. Now I can't use my account without fear that they're reading it. It's not my safe space anymore, I don't trust anyone on it. So I've blocked Jack on everything as well.
I was talking to Georgie about how if Mandy had done as I asked and researched Borderline personality disorder she might understand a bit more about how I'm thinking and why I'm doing what I'm doing. Georgie turned round and said I shouldn't put a label on myself, so I've blocked her too.
No one understands. Everyone is against me. Now I have to go to work and do a better job at pretending that I'm okay. I might just jump off a bridge. I'm so alone. Every time I think I'm getting somewhere everything falls apart. I hate myself so much.
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