My Journey To Normality (Part 1)

The other day, on my Instagram live one of my followers started asking me whether or not I would ever get back in contact with Mandy. To me I thought that the relationship between us was over, the things she said hurt like hell. She betrayed me and broke my trust, I should hate her, but it made me realise that I actually do miss her. At the moment I don't have anyone in my life and it's really effecting my mental state. So all day I was thinking about what I would say and how I would contact her because she's blocked me on everything. Then someone at work told me to message her on WhatsApp because I had only just set that up for work. To my surprise she actually replied to my message. I didn't really know where to  begin, but we started discussing what had happened between us and how we both regretted it. I said before on my live that the only way forward with Mandy would be if she apologised and knew that her actions were wrong. When she messaged me saying that what she said was a hundred percent out of order and she should have never said them, apologising for being so horrible this wave of relief washed over me. She understood that what she did was completely wrong and I understood how my actions had affected her. I had made her feel like my feelings were more important then hers and put pressure on her to hide certain things so not to trigger me. Both of us had failed at being friends and we were mature enough to admit our mistakes and put them in the past. We're still messaging and catching up on the lost time but I'm so happy I have her back in my life. I hope to meet up with her soon to properly catch up.

I was thinking about contacting Jack again but I think it's still a bit early and what they did I still feel very hurt about. With Mandy I had already forgiven her so the idea of being friends again wasn't so hard to imagine. Though I would love to have Jack back in my life I haven't forgiven them for the way they treated me and I don't think they've had enough time to realise what they did was wrong. Maybe in the future I'll have all my best friends back but to be honest friendships come and go and sometimes you have to just leave them in the past. Jack was the one who told me that if someone is meant to be in your life they will be, you can't push people to be there for you. Life is full of change and you have to let it take it's course. I've had plenty of people come and go from my life, people who I've been so close with now never talk to me. It's sad. I always think about how different my life would be if certain people had stayed but they didn't and I can't change that. I learnt to stop asking 'what if?' and start asking 'what now?'