My Journey To Normality (Part 1)

I don't know what is happening to my body at the moment. If I eat anything I end up throwing it up. I'm not sure if it's because I've caught a stomach bug or it's my hypermobility or something completely different. Normally when this happens I throw up everything in my stomach till it's empty and then carry on with my life as normal. It's been forty eight hours of nausea and not being able to keep any food down. I'm really not in the mood to be physically sick right now. I'm just so tired of always being unwell.

Also if being physically sick wasn't enough my suicidal thoughts are back and bad again. Today at work I found my colleagues stash of codeine and paracetamol pain killers and stole them. I don't even know why. I'm stockpiling them for another overdose I think. I'm not sure I'm even in control at this point. I'm trying to hold myself back from taking them though because I have my first day of my new job on Wednesday. I should probably ask for the dosage of my anti depressents to be upped the next time I see the doctor.