I've been knocking on Kam's door for the last two minutes I'm starting to think he is not home .
" Kam !" I knock again with a shout this time around.
With all these different fears running through my mind the neighbours are the least of my worries .
He finally emerges clearly displeased .steps out and shuts the door stealthily " quietdown " is the first word that comes out of his mouth.
" What are you doing here ?at this time of the night?"he snaps in a low voice.
Hastily I say ,"look let's go in side I'll tell you everythi...." I try to push past him but he blocks with his arm.
" You can't go inside " .
" We really need to talk about this it's .... " I say trying to push past him .
He blocks me again ,"Lauren ! I said you can't go inside" ,his unwelcoming tone makes me aware of who is around .
He doesn't budge at the sight of my state , I feel like I'm forcing my body to function,my hands are shaking , my knees are weak , my face is red with panic and rage , I'm certain he made up his mind to never be affected by me , he is heartlessly staring down at me with his glasses and overpriced night gown .
" Please Kam...".
" It's Austin remember" he corrects .
" Please Austin, can we go to my car at least ?" My eyes plead with him .
" I know what happened at the event " he says expressionless.
" I'll tell you everything, please follow me to my car ...".
" my future in laws are around ,what if one of them sees us ...whatever mess that you and your precious husband are on I don't want to be apart of " he finishes.
I pause for a second ," I'm not asking you to be a part of anything,I just need your help m...".
He chuckles looking up ," of course , why else would you be at my door this late at night . I'm not interested Lauren , you are an adult I'm sure you'll find your way out , go and fix things with your husband the way that adults do, you are going to be parents soon , stop acting like little kids " he turns his back on me ready to open the door
My organs freeze in shock , there's no way that this is Austin, " really ?. You'll leave me to fend for myself ?" The acceleration of my tears start increasing," weren't you the one who promised to be there for me when things get rough?, You promised to be my safe space " .
" only if you were mine .you promised to never leave me, you Miss nullified that promise by breaking yours " he turns to me again," besides I'm not obligated to keep my promises to you anymore" he pauses ,"only to Miranda , you and Ethan don't need any help, what he did after you left I doubt was for selfish reasons ,I'm sure you'll find your way back into each other's arms again ".
" You weren't there , how do you know what he did ? ".
He sighs , unfazed he says" Just leave Lauren" .
Miranda calls out to him from the inside," Kayden !" .
He gets startled for a second, " please don't ever come back here " he rushes back into the house leaving me by myself.
I'm staring at his door in disbelief,
"Why were you outside this late at night?" Miranda asks him.
" Taking out the trash ".
"You are a bad liar ,you know that ?" She chuckles.
"I'll tell you, let's go back to bed " . Their voices fade away.
The one person I thought would help me at this time has slammed the door in my face , he's not just anyone,he happens to be the father of my child.
" Did Kam really just?" I laugh through my tears trying to process everything that just happened.
My body remains stationary for a whole five minutes until I snap back into reality, I lost him , for good .
Miranda is the owner of his heart now , I always hoped it would be me even when I heard of their engagement I didn't think he was doing it out of love but I realise now that I should've seen it coming.
the Kam who was in love with me would've jumped to help me , he never wanted to see me distressed in anyway, this one stared down at me ,unmoved , all he cares about was Miranda and being seen by his in laws , them being here means the wedding is drawing near .
The rain starts pouring as I leave the complex and my mind takes me straight back to that day he stood on the porch staring at my window with a board in his hand, I felt compassion for him but refused to relent because although I cared about him I cared about Ethan more , in my mind I convinced myself I was ignoring him for his sake- that if Ethan were to see him it would be over for him but deep down I knew the truth .
I hop into my car and call Caitlyn.
" hello . Did you see him ?" .
" Yes ".
" And ? , Will he be able to help you?" .
I laugh and cry silently so that she doesn't hear me ," no ".
" But how ?, He knows people too,I'm sure he can come up with a plan ".
" If he wanted to ".
She goes quiet," oh ".
" I don't blame him ,Kate , I knew how he felt about me and he didn't deserve all that I put him through, I also wouldn't want to be apart of my mess if I were him, I think this is just his way of doing himself justice ".
" But that doesn't sound like him , the Austin I've come to know wouldn't leave a mouse without water what more about you ? ".
" You should've seen the look on his face , that guy hates me".
" Wait , explain to me what happened,did you tell him about the baby at least ".
" No ,he didn't give me the chance to, he was too worried about Miranda and her family being aware of my presence " my tone is humble.
" Mirandas family is at Austin's place ?... Should I call him for you ".
" No , let him be , if he doesn't want to help then we shouldn't guilt trip him , I'll sort it out on my own, it was stupid of me to drive down here with everything that has happened between us ".
" I know this is not the time but you really did do him dirty , you were his first Lauren ".
" He told you that ".
" I mentioned that to you didn't I ? I must've mixed you with someone else. hearing him talk like that made me feel like I was in his shoes , I get that you blame yourself but even with everything that has happened he still deserves to know ".
" Ethan said I was selfish which I'm starting to believe, the best thing I can do for Kam is stay away from him , imagine what would happen if Miranda found out ?, They are only beginning their path to happiness, who am I to ruin that ? , He deserves a good woman like Miranda, not me . Don't bother him , I'll come up with a plan by the morning to bring down Ethan .this is my fight" , I say courageously like my heart is not weeping at the thought of Kam rejecting me .
I have to learn to stand on my own, I've been a sidekick for too long I don't know what it's like being the hero, I don't want to have to constantly depend on someone else to fight my battles.
"Should I close the shop tomorrow and come with you ?".
"No. I don't want you to be involved, It has come to my attention that I don't know my husband. this is the part where I grow up and take back what's rightfully mine , I'm done being Ethan's doormat , I'll take him down on my own just you watch me " I wipe my face clear and stare at my reflection through the rear window.
" I'm fully behind you . Is there nothing I can do to help?" .
" You can pray for me ".
" Okay I'll wait for you to come back".
" Okay , I'll talk to you later then ".
I'm not planning on going back to Caitlyn's, comfortable sleep is not of any importance to me .
I take out my phone to post about my conference but my phone keeps kicking me out of my Instagram, I attempt twitter and Facebook and the glitch is the same .