Catalyst (probably not going to update anymore, don't watch the show anymore)

Chapter 104

"I'm sorry," Barry sighed, carefully explaining to me. "I'm sorry that I did this, all of this, it's all my fault. I've been trying to fix it, but I think that there's only one way to do that now . . . I'm sorry, Finn."

He suddenly ran away, leaving me behind once again.

Why does he keep leaving me? He never wants to be around me. He hates me.

I hate myself too, Barry. I wish that I bled out onto the pavement a year ago so that none of this would have ever happened. Just a little bit more to the left, and the bullet would have hit my abdominal aorta—barely an inch to the left and it would have been all over.

No more pain, no more tragedy . . . just bliss.

I wanted to be alone.

Taking the V-10 and needles out of the cubbyhole in the wall, I pressed my hand onto the grey panel on the back wall, and the wall disappeared. This was the only place I could be alone in this world.

I entered the tunnels, letting the wall materialize behind me. Sitting down next to the door, I held my knees to my chest, and let myself sob, loudly.

________

I entered the Cortex, not high at all; I didn't take any V-10 in the tunnels. I needed to feel this. "Where's Barry?" Iris asked, turning around in my chair.

"Fuck if I know," I sighed, about to take the only open seat.

Then, suddenly, Barry reappeared in the lab, and solemnly explained, "I need to tell you all something—the truth."

"The truth about what?" Iris asked nervously, she knew something.

Barry sighed, "Uh, after Zoom killed my dad, after we defeated him, um . . . I wasn't in a great space and I felt like the only way I could fix that was to run back in time and . . . save my mom."

"You stopped the Reverse Flash from killing your mom?" Caitlin asked, dumbfounded.

He admitted, "Yeah."

"Wait, so is she alive?" Wally asked, confused as well.

"She was," Barry explained, a small smile appeared on his face, "For a few months. I lived with her and my dad, I had a completely different life. I wasn't even the Flash for most of it."

He didn't want to be around me. I constantly weighed me down, so he made another timeline to get away.

Wally continued giving Barry a confused look. "I don't understand," Wally stated. "You created a whole other existence . . . How is that possible?"

Barry ran his hand through his hair, trying to think of the best way to explain it, and then he noticed the glass board behind him. "Um," he drew a diagram on the glass, "so this is the timeline. This is the point where we exist on it right now, and this past point is where my mom was murdered. So when I saved her, I created a new reality, a new timeline. I was living in—"

"A better universe," I cut him off, and folded my arms across my chest.

His eyes left me. "It's called Flashpoint, apparently."

"And you decided to leave it? Why?" Iris questioned.

He sighed, "Life started to spin out of control. This guy, Clariss; he was a speedster there too—he's known as the Rival. He caused a lot of problems, so, um, I decided to run back in time again and let things happen as they were supposed to in hopes of resetting the timeline. But—"

"But what?" Joe snapped.

"But, um, when I came back," Barry explained, gazing at me, "things weren't the same."

Caitlin asked quietly, "You mean people? Like us?" He doesn't want this version of me. It's broken and no fun to play with.

"Yeah," he replied softly. Then, Barry went back to the board, "I created another timeline, it's the one we're living in now. It's not as different as the last one, not in large ways, but in some ways in smaller ways . . . meaningful ways for all of you, for anybody that's close to me, and I can't really ever put it back together."

A few tears escaped Barry's eyes as he reminisced about the life he once had. Did I kill him then? Did I hurt the people that I loved most then? Did I miscarry then?

"Bar, that's a lot to take in," Joe stated.

He did this to me. It's his fault, it's all his fault.

"Yeah, it is," he replied quietly.

I was normal then, wasn't I? I wasn't as mentally unstable in your timeline so you liked her better, didn't you? I'm not a perfect little fuck-toy like you wanted, but you can't throw it away again or you'll get in trouble with the Speedforce.

You have to suffer with the mistakes you made and the lives you ruined, Barry.

"We got along in that other life," Iris asked, nearly in tears, "My dad and I. Didn't we?" Barry only nodded. "That's why you've been working so hard to get us talking again?"

"Here's the thing," Barry explained, "I will tell you what's different, all of you, if you want to know, but you have to live with those differences because I can't change it again. But, at least you'll know. And you all deserve that choice."

I walked around the desk, feeling angry and disappointed with Barry and myself. "So, you decided to change things when you weren't happy, and you didn't think about what would happen to everybody else?" I shouted, my voice wavering at the end.

"Finn," Barry pleaded.

"NO!" I yelled, a few tears escaping my eyes, "I don't know what sort of pushover-Finn you're used to, but I'm not taking your shit. You ruined my life, you ruined all of our lives!"

Barry tried to place his hand on my shoulder, and said softly, "It's not like that."

I smacked his hand away from me as hard as I could, and screamed, "DON'T TOUCH ME!" Tears flowed down my cheeks, and I spat, "You're a coward." Then, I pulled my engagement ring off my finger, and placed it into Barry's hand, venomously spitting, "You've lost my trust."

Quickly, I turned away from Barry, and stormed out of the Cortex.

___________________________________________________

Dang, I thought Killer Frost was the cold one.

So, I want to do an "Ask Me Anything"/Q&A for a while, because why the fuck not, it seems fun. When I say "ask me anything" I mean ASK ME ANYTHING AND I WILL RESPOND.

Just leave your questions as comments and I'll answer as soon as I can.