Spring Forward, Fall Back (Alucard x Chubby! Reader)

Reader P.O.V.

I had decided that before we go get the things we'd need to take back with us, I would let everyone see two movies about vampires to show what I meant about how Bram Stoker's book influenced how they're viewed in my time. I chose two in my own collection to show them: one to show Bram Stoker's version and one to show the breakaway from that old tale. I knew someone would say something eventually, but I couldn't hold my humor back as we began with the 1992 movie - Bram Stoker's Dracula directed by Francis Ford Coppola.

Movie Dracula -"Listen to them: the children of the night. What sweet music they make!"

Real Dracula - "Music? That's music? Sounds like horseshit to me!"

Movie Dracula - "I have crossed oceans of time to find you."

Real Dracula - "Sounds like your line, my son."

Adrian - "I know, right?"

Trevor - "It was a pretty smooth line. I'll admit that much."

Movie Dracula - "Absinthe is the aphrodisiac of the self. The green fairy that lives inside wants your soul, but you are safe with me."

Real Dracula - "Absinthe tastes of goat piss and the green fairy inside is the fluttering in your stomach before you throw up. What is this? Someone actually thought I'd say this? How much of that absinthe did this idiot drink to come to this conclusion?"

Lisa - "Be kind, my husband. It could be worse."

Real Dracula - "How?! This is absolute shit!"

Trevor - "I have to say he isn't wrong. This is so far off. And what the fuck with this Van Helsing character? Is he as insane as I think he is? Or did I just blink?"

Y/N – "He definitely has one or two screws loose, to be honest. But nothing beats Renfield and those meal worms."

Sypha - "I'm already sick to my stomach. Did they HAVE to show that up close?"

Y/N - "Personally, my favorite part is when Lucy was introduced to her suitors at the party."

Adrian - "You mean the hat thing?"

Trevor - "What hat thing?"

Real Dracula - "How the cowboy-"

Lisa - "Quincy."

Real Dracula - "Yes, Quincy. One moment his hat's in his hand, the next it's on the couch, the next it's back in Quincy's hand when Lucy helps Dr. Seward over to the couch and finally Seward is yanking it out from under him apologizing for sitting on it."

Sypha – "I thought I was seeing things, but it does really go like that!"

(A/N: It really does. Watch this clip from the 2:48 mark. Seriously.)

Movie Dracula - "Give me peace..."

Real Dracula - "My love? No matter how big the headache I have is, please don't cut off my head?"

Trevor - "At least it wasn't a splitting headache."

Adrian - "Boo hiss, Trevor."

Sypha - "Stop! I'm going to pee!"

Trevor - "I'm sorry, but it was too easy!"

Sypha - "Now I've got to go to the bathroom. Dammit!"