Spring Forward, Fall Back (Alucard x Chubby! Reader)

Alucard P.O.V.

Sitting here next to my father and my soon-to-be father-in-law was a bit nerve wracking, to say the least. After all, Allen was my boss for all intents and purposes and my father was, well, my father. I'm sitting between two men: one I killed and one that would kill me if I hurt his daughter in any way. There's only so many conversations where that set up could be awkward, and my mind was running through every single one of them while we sat back watching the football game.

Allen had prepared for the day by bringing a cooler full of beer into the living room while my father had bought several different types of chicken wings. Little did I know he'd developed a particular addiction to them and that he would talk my ear off about the different flavors and what dips would go best with each one. The only one we couldn't agree on was the blue cheese one. I loathe blue cheese.

"I can't stand blue cheese because it stinks and its moldy," I stated resolutely.

"All cheese is moldy," Allen said. "It's made with a special kind of fungus that makes it curdle."

"Thanks," I said while burping, gaining a chuckle from the pair of them. "I needed one more reason to avoid certain foods, and now you've ruined cheese for me."

"Oh come on," Father griped. "I bet Y/N told you that already."

"Glowworm wouldn't pass up the chance to tell some random fact and you know it," Allen chuckled. "She has so much stuff stuck in that brain of hers from all the reading she did, I'm sure she has information on the Illuminati trapped up there, too."

"Maybe she knows where Jimmy Hoffa's buried?" My father was laughing along with Allen so easily, but something drew my attention and forced the words out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"How come your ears aren't pointy anymore?" The silence was deafening.

"What?" Couldn't back out now.

"Its just that you had pointy ears like some demented elf before, but now they're like all human ears. I was just wondering when that happened."

"Oh, that!" Father said as he grabbed another honey barbecue wing. "I had plastic surgery done ages ago."

"Plastic surgery?" Allen piped up. "I never would have thought you'd resort to that."

"Yeah," he responded. "I told them I had a strange birth defect as a child and wanted to make them a bit more acceptable for human consumption. The doctor told me he'd never seen this particular deformation go to such an extreme, but that he'd seen it before and could easily fix it."

"I'm surprised it didn't immediately grow back," I said.

"It did," Father chuckled. "I've had it done probably twelve times in the past 10 years. I just had it done probably four months ago."

"Now that is a surprise," Allen said. "I never would have thought you'd be self-conscious about your ears." I really wished I hadn't been between these guys when the next few comments were made.

"Lisa isn't too happy about it either," Father huffed.

"Why's that?"

"She says it was better when my ears were longer so she could steer me in the right direction while I was between her legs."

"Handlebars!" Allen shouted with laughter.

"Come on!" I groaned. "I don't need to hear this."

"And believe me she gets a bit demanding while I'm down there."